10 Reasons I Hate The Dentist

A List, A Rant

1. Because I really want to waste 30 minutes to an hour of my time just so people can poke me, prod me and otherwise get on my nerves.

2. All the dentist speak. All doctors do it, so you know what I’m talking about. For instance, “She’s got a problem with her lower T-12. We’re going to have to ostracize it and cross-counter the white-balance so as to prevent problems in the future on that bicucpid.” Okay…what?!?! Speak English. I’m RIGHT HERE IN THE CHAIR. Also, what am I? A computer or a piece of hardware?!

3. The scraping tools. I should know what they’re called, seeing as my mother works there(although only as a receptionist), but I don’t. I just hate that feeling of hard metal, grinding against my teeth. Who doesn’t?

4. When the dental hygenist asks you a question and you clearly can’t answer because their hands are in your mouth. Really, trust me, I’d love to talk about my brother’s love of duck(which is somewhat strange, if you ask me, considering his former loves were Big Macs and turkey sandwiches) or the fact that I’m taking a semester off from college, which you probably think is extremely lazy of me, but I can’t. You inserted your gloved hand down my mouth cavity and I can’t speak around it.

5. Whenever they insert those aforementioned tools in your mouth, scrape, and come up with some previously consumed snack food residue. They wince, you wince, and it’s just altogether an awkward experience and, I feel, an invasion of my privacy. You needn’t know all that I had to eat yesterday..or days prior.

6. And now that we’ve gotten to that…attacks on your dental hygiene. “Do you floss 5 times a day?”, “Does your toothbrush get more action than you?”, “Do you consider using fluoride a must?” NOOOOO!!!! I will be the first to admit that I don’t floss, unless it’s on special occassions such as Hanukkah, which I don’t even celebrate because I’m not Jewish. Touching wet, saliva-covered pieces of string and pulling them in between my gums is not my idea of fun. I don’t even wear my retainer. How do you like me now?

7. When they tell me how small my mouth is because they a-l-w-a-y-s do this. Well, if my mouth is so small, then it should be completely understandable that I cannot reach those back two teeth with a rotating, gargantuan toothbrush. (That same toothbrush was my Easter present. Hallelujiah! Now I can brush and brush and brush my problems away!!! Because isn’t that what the season is all about?!) I would also like to say that those two teeth? They weren’t there until about, oh, circa 2008. I am not entirely used to the fact that they are there, seeing as the oral surgeon had to uncover them because of the previously mentioned “small mouth” problem. They literally were unable to come in.

8. I don’t like my dentist. He’s an okay man, I guess, but I still hold a grudge against him. He’s not the most tactful man ever to roam the earth. One time, during Shark Week, I was getting my teeth cleaned and he compared my molars to that of a lemon shark. Thank..you?

9. My mom works there. Which makes it..weird. Convenient, how she can just schedule me and I can walk right in, but..still weird. I don’t want to talk to you about what happened in there. The only way it could be more awkward is if she was a receptionist at the gynecologist.

10. They always tell you, “This won’t hurt.” Sometimes they’re telling the truth, sometimes they’re not. It’s usually a 50/50 gamble between searing pain and a mild jerking feeling. But just in general, I don’t like pain or inconvenience. When that sucking thing ejects your spit back onto you, when they try to x-ray your teeth and you nearly choke on the thing that’s supposed to keep your mouth open, when they give you those gift bags with free toothbrushes. I don’t need them. Give them to children in Somalia!

And those are, in summary, the reasons I do not like the dentist.

276 thoughts on “10 Reasons I Hate The Dentist”

  1. I’m sure your dentist hated you too. Does he tell you to half way brush? Not to floss? Does he sneak into your room at night and give you gingivitis and put little bacteria bugs in your mouth causing all that inflammation?? No, no and no. He and your hygienist probably cringe when they see your name on the schedule. Grow up, suck it up and own your own problems.

    1. 👏👏 Bravo, bravo. You really told me, passive aggressively through the internet. I fart in your general direction. Your muzzer was a hampster and your father smelled of elderberries! 😒😱👅🙇

  2. As I tell all my patients when I clean their teeth, more than half of the fear, anxiety, anger, and pain will disappear if you just suck it up, Buttercup, and floss every day. A literal 2 minutes of your life every day will also shorten the time in the chair during your dental cleaning appointments and, because flossing prevents cavities, nearly eliminate the need for fillings. After 2 weeks, your gums will firm up and become less sensitive, and they won’t bleed. Right now, without flossing, your gums are very similar to a freshly skinned knee that hasn’t seen any antiseptic yet.

    Not only that, but if you floss, then no one knows what you ate yesterday, or days prior. And, it’s not about whether it’s fun, it’s about doing what needs to be done. Paying bills isn’t fun. I don’t particularly enjoy driving to work, but it can’t exactly be avoided. What about personal hygiene like brushing your teeth or wiping your butt? How much fun do you experience during those moments?

    As for your dentist being less than tactful, maybe you should speak to him about that. He might be receptive.

    P.S. A quick tip regarding the spit-sucking thing: it’s a vacuum cleaner of sorts, so let it do its job and suction up the spit instead of trying to “spit” into the tube. Move your tongue to the back of your mouth so it’s not blocking it, and when you close your lips over it, I guarantee it’ll suck up everything.

  3. Pingback: 10 Reasons Your Dentist Probably Hates You Too | Dentist of Scottsdale
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  5. I’m a dental hygienist and your post was interesting to read since I’m always wondering what is going on in my patients’ heads during their visits so it can help me to figure out how to make the experience of cleaning their teeth less awkward for both of us and more comfortable for them. On paragraph #4, if I know that I’m going to start working on a sensitive area (inflamed gums, lots of calcified build up, lots of bleeding) I will start to ask my patient random questions about their life just to cause a distraction from me scraping/pulling calcified plaque/tarter off of their tooth, followed by a gush of blood. This process is normal to us but the patients always seem to get worried if there is too much blood or too much scraping going on, so distractions from it usually help. On the flossing paragraph, if you flossed the food from in between your teeth we wouldn’t have to know what you ate yesterday or last week, trust me I really have less interest in attaining that knowledge that you could know. Lastly, I know that what we do might seem invasive, painful, awkward and uncomfortable to you but we do it because we truly just want to help you lead a healthier and happier life. Your teeth and gums are a part of your body and thus what goes on with them affects the health of your whole organism. Low grade infection in your gums spreads and causes negative effects in the rest of your body. Research shows links b/n gum disease and conditions such as diabetes & hearth disease. Your dental team is there, working rally hard and doing their best to keep you happy and healthy so some consideration would be appreciated.

  8. i realize this post is over a year old but I just read it and have to say in regards to #2: you do realize the dentist is talking to their assistant (not the patient) who is taking notes on the work that has to be done on your teeth so that they know what needs to be done, right? The dental assistant is preparing a dental chart. In my experience, after my dentist is done with the exam and orally presenting his notes to his assistant, he will then explain to me, in English, what steps need to be taken to get my teeth back on a healthy track. I do not work in the dental field, as a matter of fact I don’t even work in any type of medical field, I work in the legal industry. I figured this out all on my own, can you believe it! I know, it’s hard to believe that some people in this work actually have common sense or a sense of reasonable observation! Other than that, i’m not a fan of going to the dentist either, but i like my dentist!

  9. The better care you take of your teeth, the less often you have to visit, and the less invasive work they need to do. I take immaculate care of my teeth, and I see the dentist (well, hygienist) once every six months for 15-20 minutes. X-rays, a polish, and I’m done. Doesn’t bother me in the slightest! Love going to the dentist!

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  15. It is always about the money! Even with insurance, most dentists will find a way to take your money and leave you feeling inadequate…. They are worse than any ex-boyfriend

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  18. ← The Big Reveal
    Whoa! What just happened? →
    10 Reasons Your Dentist Probably Hates You Too
    Posted on November 28, 2011 by lolabees

    Now that I’ve left my career and cut some dead weight out of my life, I feel ready to look back and have a laugh– or just finally be able openly bitch about it. So here’s my confession: I am a dentist who really didn’t love the dentist either being a dentist. A few months ago I came across a funny post titled, “10 Reasons I Hate The Dentist.“ It appeared right when I was in the thick of my career transition. It inspired me to write this, so, RedHead Chronicles, thank you for the inspiration.

    10 Reasons Your Dentist Probably Hates You Too

    1. The first thing you say when you sit down in my chair is, “I hate the dentist.” Really?!? Did your parents teach you any manners? Did they ever teach you that it is impolite to tell someone you hate them the moment you greet them? What I really want to say back is, “aww, I hate you too.”

    2. You come to your appointment, and it’s obvious you haven’t brushed your teeth in days. I’ve had some people with great hygiene come in and apologize because they’ve just eaten lunch and couldn’t brush. This is not what I’m talking about. I mean food and thick plaque everywhere. After 10 years of seeing blood and rotten teeth and some really nasty things, this is still the 1 thing that makes me dry heave. You know when you come to us that we have to be in your mouth. Would you clean your home before having company? Additionally, I have spent hours literally bending over backwards repairing your teeth. Could you at least pretend that you are caring for the work that I have struggled to complete for you?

    3. After we have spent hours of meticulously repairing your teeth, you complain about the bill. Would you walk out of the grocery store with a bag full of groceries and expect not to pay? I’ve just helped you to continue to smile and eat comfortably, two pretty valuable things that help your quality of life.

    4. I tell you that you have a cavity and you need a filling, and you wait months or even years to get the necessary work done. Eventually the tooth starts hurting. Two weeks of pain go by, and you call me on a Saturday night while I am at dinner with friends because your tooth that needed a filling a year ago and that started hurting 2 weeks ago is suddenly an emergency.

    5. You come to me so I can help you, but you make it hard for me to do a good job. You wince and make faces when it’s not hurting. The idea that I’m hurting you makes me just as uncomfortable and stressed as you are. If it hurts, please tell me, and I can help you with that. But if it’s because you don’t like the whole experience, you are only causing me to work in undesirable conditions, making it harder to do my best. And when you push your tongue in the way, or you don’t open wide enough, it makes it physically impossible to get my work done. Don’t you want it to be easy for me to do the best job for you?

    6. You call and say, “my tooth didn’t hurt before you worked on it.” You came to me with a cavity. I did not put it there. You did. I am simply fixing a rotten hole that was in your tooth. To do so, I must use a tiny drill to cut the rot out of your tooth. If I took a drill, cut a hole in your femur bone, and then filled it in with a foreign material, don’t you think it might be sore for a while? Same concept.

    7. When we try to take an x-ray, you won’t bite down on it. We have to do this to see what is going on with your tooth. Without knowing the problem, we can’t properly treat you. I know, in some cases some people really can’t do it; but some people could and won’t just suck it up for 15 seconds. I’ve had x-rays too, and they hurt and dig into my gums, but I just do it.

    8. You tell me that you bought my car for me after having a crown done. Contrary to how it seems, you actually didn’t buy me a car. You bought yourself a crown. I have spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on an education, and have spent hours making this crown fit precisely in your mouth, so maybe you helped me make a portion of a student loan payment. But you certainly didn’t buy my car.

    9. You no-show an appointment or cancel last-minute. Some things are unavoidable, but when it’s because your hairdresser got a last-minute cancellation and you had to take that appointment instead, this is just rude. Not only am I unable to fill the 2 hours of my schedule that I reserved specifically for you, but someone else who wanted to get in had to wait 2 weeks for his/her appointment. And on that note, when you have the first appointment of the day, and you show up late for your appointment, I am late for every other patient the rest of the day.

    10. When I tell you that you grind your teeth, you deny it, as if I am accusing you of having a horrible disease or being a baby murderer. It’s not that bad to be a tooth grinder. I’m just pointing something out and maybe offering a way to prevent more problems in the future. This observation is concluded from signs or symptoms that are based on real science, not myth.

    And along those lines… bonus #11. You tell me a diagnosis I make is simply wrong without listening to me. If you know so much, why are you coming to me? You do the filling or root canal yourself. You obviously don’t need me.

    Aaahhh… I feel much better now.

    If this isn’t you, I am sure your dentist loves you. You are probably the bright spot of his/her day. But it makes you wonder, how do you behave when you go to the dentist? And most importantly, are you making it easy for your dentist to give you the kind of care you want and deserve?

  20. I was very pleased to discover this great site. I want to to thank you for your time just for this fantastic read!! I definitely enjoyed every bit of it and I have you saved as a favorite to check out new information in your web site.

  21. Seriously lady?

    1. Your dentist probably doesn’t enjoy probing your Smelly, decayed mouth for 30 mins either, I wouldn’t. Ever tried working on meth addicts? I actually have to breath with my mouth. THAT bad,
    2. Your mouth is small for us because we’re trying to fit multiple fingers inside it and work, A brush is much smaller than 8 fingers. Unfortunately Dentists aren’t equipped with Elder wands to make caries go away.
    3. We use jargons with our colleague to write notes down for us to read in future. But we also explain it later on in normal english. I do, at least
    4. Scraping tools: We wouldn’t have to use them if you took care of your mouth and didn’t allow calculus build up now, would we?
    5. This won’t hurt: Different people have different pain tolerance. If dentist has done it on 100 patient before and they didn’t feel it, yet you did. Maybe you’re just a bit wimpy, no? I have a patient that doesn’t even want to bother with anaesthetic.
    6. Talking with Hands in mouth: I never do this. Try to understand dentists talk to you to make YOU ease up. We don’t mind working on a patient w/o talking. It’s you we’re worried about
    7. I needn’t know what you ate: Well if you cleaned your mouth properly I wouldn’t now, would I?
    8. Attacks on Hygiene: I actually stopped doing this. I’ll give patients advice, whether they follow it or not is upto them. I will never ever push though.

    BOOM! HEADSHOT!! Ever thought that maybe just maybe, your dentist hates you too?

  22. I’m a dentist…and this made me laugh! It should make everyone laugh. Because you need to see the funny side to every profession. I understand how much my patients dislike dentistry. I make jokes about it all the time. Generally, my response is ‘you don’t hate me, you hate my profession-because me, well I’m FABULOUS!’ That always gets a smile. What we do is not easy. We know it’s not pleasant-but to be brutally honest I think some members of my profession take it a little TOO far. We need to smile at ourselves and our patients will smile with us. 😀

    1. I’m glad you liked that post! Yeah, we all can take ourselves too seriously sometimes. I have to laugh at customers, myself, and other aspects of the restaurant business or I would go crazy! 🙂

  23. I’m a hygienist who will be soon leaving the dentistry field for what I hope will be a loong time. I get my teeth cleaned too and I really don’t know why people make such a big deal out of it. I really don’t enjoy cleaning 2 day old food out of someone’s mouth believe it or not! I have a million more interesting things to do than floss my own teeth after a day of flossing rancid gobs of plaque off of other people’s teeth, yet I usually do it because it needs to be done. Try floss picks so you don’t have to touch the floss! Brushing and flossing before a dental appt. Is a common courtesy and it will minimize the scraping you loathe.
    I can take a joke. Take comfort in the fact that your hygienist is having as much fun as you are!

  24. If you hate going to the dentist so much, then don’t go. Then when your breath is disgusting and your teeth all rot out or fall out because of gum disease, you can thank yourself for being such a whiny brat about going to the dentist. I don’t enjoy going to the gynocologist, but I still go because I’d rather not risk having ovarian cancer or some other problem and not knowing about it. Just a thought. No one is forcing you to go to the dentist, and honestly you are LUCKY and BLESSED to even have the chance to go. Many people in this world suffer from dental pain and problems because they do not have insurance or cannot dream of going to the dentist because they don’t have the money. Maybe you should look at it that way, instead of whining about it like a spoiled brat.

  25. I think a lot of people are missing the point on this post: it’s a joke! Honestly people, I think it’s hilarious and I think dentists should be able to take a joke (knowing that for many people, the dentist isn’t their most eagerly anticipated trip). I really like my dentist but it doesn’t stop me from hating having work done on my teeth! It feels uncomfortable and unnatural, but at the end, I am extremely grateful and relieved it’s done as I’m sure the person who wrote this blog is. So all the dentists out there getting super antsy, I think we can safely assume that we really REALLY appreciate your work and are very glad that we can afford it, we like the feeling afterwards, but it doesn’t make it an enjoyable experience.

    PS. I did have one terrible experience with an NHS dentist who gave me a list of things I needed to have done totalling £400. Completely devastated and besides myself I rang my Mum in floods of tears, she arranged for me to see her private dentist who angrily shook his head at the list, gave me a quick filling and advised I didn’t see her again. I like to think that that constitutes an awful experience, the rest is just a little bit of ribbing. 🙂

    1. Thanks, Georgia! Yeah, I do appreciate the dentist…and it is funny to still see postings on this because I wrote it back last July! I thought a lot of people could relate to it and I guess I was right!
      Just recently, a dentist removed my fiancé’s wisdom teeth free of charge! So, I agree, they’re not all bad. I was pleasantly surprised.

  26. Is there something wrong with my pc? I’m only seeing comments by the theredheadchronicles. But it seems like your replying in response to another use…

    Anyways, you have an interesting article.

    i’m sure the dentist is just trying to help, don’t think their saying anything to put you down. Most of them do care about their patients health, its the few who make the rest look bad.

  27. You need to read 10 reasons why your dentist hate you. It’s the dentist reponse to your post . I’m not a dentist nor do I work in the dental field but I do work in an e.r. – that being said these people are here to help you . If you don’t like them then dont go you inconsiderate twit!!!

    1. I actually did read that response post, you uninformed and assuming, twit. Before you go calling the pot the kettle black, read up on things. I understand that they are here to help and I appreciate that, but you should also understand that this blog has a great deal of satire and sarcasm. That being said, I hope you continue to read. Or not. Whatever.

      1. Umm… okay… redhead, you know it’s true so that’s why you don’t have a good reply.

      2. Um, the reason I didn’t respond is because I obviously don’t have the same amount of time as you do to sit on my ass and leave pointless comments. yes, I am lucky to go to the dentist. Yes, dentists can be stressed, blah, blah, blah. I should be used to comments like yours by now. *yawn* Next!

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  31. As a dentist, I take what you say very seriously. From now on, I will tell all my patients, it WILL hurt, I will tell them never to floss their teeth, I will tell them that they have a big mouth, I won’t hire their mothers to be a receptionist. I won’t say a word to anyone and I won’t use that “scratchy” thing. Lol waaaaiiit… That’d just be silly. Good blog though =)!

  32. I’m a dental hygienist who HATES being in the patient’s chair, so this made me laugh my butt off! And I promise I pull all the sharp stuff out of the mouth when I ask a question!! That has always been my biggest pet peave as a patient! Sorry you don’t like your denist, though 😉

  33. Really funny! I am a dentist and i was laughing outloud. Actually I am an orthodontist so please wear your retainer at least three nights a week. By the way, where is the post that you are responding to? If you are going to put stuff out there you should be able to take some heat. The way people respond to your experience is a true measure of a chronical’s worth. Even mean spirited responses add value to your post. let the people decide what,s what. just a thought. Wow, dentists are preachy! floss often. or not.

  37. Let’s face it
    You need a dentist to fix the damage you’ve done to your teeth (coz you couldn’t be bothered to brush/flOss)
    Think abt who you’d call first thing in the morning when your tooth hurts b4 you hate ’em!

  38. You are one immature young lady. There are reasons for everything the dentist do (as i am a dentist) on the dental chair while TREATING YOUR ORAL DISEASES. If you dislike going to the dentist…then by all means keep your teeth and oral tissues in good health, even then you still have to maintain your ORAL HEALTH at least once a year by scaling. We dentists diagnose and treat your oral diseases to ensure you are healthy as symptoms of systemic diseases are shown in the mouth. If you still think we POKE AROUND YOUR MOUTH for the fun of it, please…grow up. DO think and gain some knowledge before you speak, or….”post”. This post just makes you look ignorant and spoiled.

  39. So my question is… why you go to the dentist anyway if you hate the place so much??? Why bother? There’s an old Russian saying “beauty demands a little pain”. If you want something beautiful (your smile, for example) you pay a price for it (not just in dollar amounts). Why most people in this country are such wimps when it comes to tolerating a little pain? No pain, no gain as many of you say. How many beauty salons are out there where everything that’s done to attain a certain look is completely painless. Zero. Yet, no one talks about it. I think it’s so disrespectful to say “I hate the dentist”. No manners whatsoever. But that’s the beauty of freedom of speech. HAH!

      1. Hope my post didn’t unleash too much negativity on you 🙂 I was using the same writing techniques and got a bit of my own a** ripping from some people. All in good fun!!!!

      3. Oooh, now if one starts to throw stones, one should ensure one doesn’t live in a glass house.
        Not referring to the initial article/blog – I enjoyed it considerably – I’m a dentist (& co-incidentally been a patient too) and it’s always amusing to read the perceptions of patients, preferably couched in humorous form.
        But 13 hours previously, you responded to “Kelley” with a snarky attack on their grammatical abilities, and here you are spelling exaggeration (sic) incorrectly. You are the aspiring wordsmith, and if you are going to respond to someone’s attack with no better comeback than “learn to speak properer” then you need to ensure you are the paragon of virtue yourself in that respect.

        I already whiled away far too much time reading the blog AND all the comments – so back to the orifice for me!
        Cheers
        PS I hope your blogging brings you much joy &/or riches, and this (constructive?!) criticism helps, albeit very late.

  40. 5. Whenever they insert those aforementioned tools in your mouth, scrape, and come up with some previously consumed snack food residue. They wince, you wince, and it’s just altogether an awkward experience and, I feel, an invasion of my privacy. You needn’t know all that I had to eat yesterday..or days prior.

    … How about you brush, rinse or whatever you’re able to do, your teeth so the snack food residue consumed yesterday or DAYS prior isn’t there in an advanced putrefaction state. By the way if it is too hard to do so every now and then just, PLEASE, do it before going to your appointement !!!!!

    Read this : http://lolabees.wordpress.com/2011/11/28/10-reasons-your-dentist-probably-hates-you-too/

  41. Seriously? You don’t floss? I’m Jewish too, and I FLOSS. That’s just gross. Do you understand how much bacteria (and stench) grows in your mouth when you don’t? IF you flossed, the dentist wouldn’t hate you, and you wouldn’t hate him — and trust me — you’d feel a hell of a lot less pain when you visited. Here’s a little advice to live by: Floss only the teeth you want to keep.

    Sincerely,

    A 36 year-old who hears how “perfect” her teeth are every time she goes to the dentist (because she has been listening to him for the past 10 years). Just sayin…

  42. I Just can’t help but wonder why you think that the dentist should speak in layman’s terms for you to understand. Doctors learn a language that allows them to communicate universally with their staff and with other professionals. It is not the dentist’s job to explain dental language to you. It is their job to treat your dental problems. Most dentists give their patients the courtesy of explaining what’s going on after an exam and diagnosis are made but don’t expect to understand everything they say. IIf you want to know what they are talking about then you should go to dental school (although we don’t usually have the luxury of taking time off from school since it is an 8 + year degree).

    Lastly, I really hope you don’t actually sit in the dental chair and inform the dentist of your dislike for him/her because that shows a complete lack of manners and tact. The reality is that they probably don’t like you either.

  43. We ask you to floss so that you spend less time with the scraping instruments, and get less cavities. Its not to embarrass you or get on your nerves. I wouldn’t have a practice if people actually did what I asked and practiced daily dental hygiene, because there would be MUCH less dental disease for me to treat. so most of your complaints could be resolved if you actually listened to your dental professionals.

  44. Then don’t go to the dentist. YAY PROBLEM SOLVED! P.S. We, yes I’m a dentist, don’t like people like you either.

  45. 10 Reasons Your Dentist Probably Hates You Too

    Posted on November 28, 2011

    Now that I’ve left my career and cut some dead weight out of my life, I feel ready to look back and have a laugh– or just finally be able openly bitch about it. So here’s my confession: I am a dentist who really didn’t love the dentist either being a dentist. A few months ago I came across a funny post titled, “10 Reasons I Hate The Dentist.“ It appeared right when I was in the thick of my career transition. It inspired me to write this, so, RedHead Chronicles, thank you for the inspiration.

    10 Reasons Your Dentist Probably Hates You Too

    1. The first thing you say when you sit down in my chair is, “I hate the dentist.” Really?!? Did your parents teach you any manners? Did they ever teach you that it is impolite to tell someone you hate them the moment you greet them? What I really want to say back is, “aww, I hate you too.”

    2. You come to your appointment, and it’s obvious you haven’t brushed your teeth in days. I’ve had some people with great hygiene come in and apologize because they’ve just eaten lunch and couldn’t brush. This is not what I’m talking about. I mean food and thick plaque everywhere. After 10 years of seeing blood and rotten teeth and some really nasty things, this is still the 1 thing that makes me dry heave. You know when you come to us that we have to be in your mouth. Would you clean your home before having company? Additionally, I have spent hours literally bending over backwards repairing your teeth. Could you at least pretend that you are caring for the work that I have struggled to complete for you?

    3. After we have spent hours of meticulously repairing your teeth, you complain about the bill. Would you walk out of the grocery store with a bag full of groceries and expect not to pay? I’ve just helped you to continue to smile and eat comfortably, two pretty valuable things that help your quality of life.

    4. I tell you that you have a cavity and you need a filling, and you wait months or even years to get the necessary work done. Eventually the tooth starts hurting. Two weeks of pain go by, and you call me on a Saturday night while I am at dinner with friends because your tooth that needed a filling a year ago and that started hurting 2 weeks ago is suddenly an emergency.

    5. You come to me so I can help you, but you make it hard for me to do a good job. You wince and make faces when it’s not hurting. The idea that I’m hurting you makes me just as uncomfortable and stressed as you are. If it hurts, please tell me, and I can help you with that. But if it’s because you don’t like the whole experience, you are only causing me to work in undesirable conditions, making it harder to do my best. And when you push your tongue in the way, or you don’t open wide enough, it makes it physically impossible to get my work done. Don’t you want it to be easy for me to do the best job for you?

    6. You call and say, “my tooth didn’t hurt before you worked on it.” You came to me with a cavity. I did not put it there. You did. I am simply fixing a rotten hole that was in your tooth. To do so, I must use a tiny drill to cut the rot out of your tooth. If I took a drill, cut a hole in your femur bone, and then filled it in with a foreign material, don’t you think it might be sore for a while? Same concept.

    7. When we try to take an x-ray, you won’t bite down on it. We have to do this to see what is going on with your tooth. Without knowing the problem, we can’t properly treat you. I know, in some cases some people really can’t do it; but some people could and won’t just suck it up for 15 seconds. I’ve had x-rays too, and they hurt and dig into my gums, but I just do it.

    8. You tell me that you bought my car for me after having a crown done. Contrary to how it seems, you actually didn’t buy me a car. You bought yourself a crown. I have spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on an education, and have spent hours making this crown fit precisely in your mouth, so maybe you helped me make a portion of a student loan payment. But you certainly didn’t buy my car.

    9. You no-show an appointment or cancel last-minute. Some things are unavoidable, but when it’s because your hairdresser got a last-minute cancellation and you had to take that appointment instead, this is just rude. Not only am I unable to fill the 2 hours of my schedule that I reserved specifically for you, but someone else who wanted to get in had to wait 2 weeks for his/her appointment. And on that note, when you have the first appointment of the day, and you show up late for your appointment, I am late for every other patient the rest of the day.

    10. When I tell you that you grind your teeth, you deny it, as if I am accusing you of having a horrible disease or being a baby murderer. It’s not that bad to be a tooth grinder. I’m just pointing something out and maybe offering a way to prevent more problems in the future. This observation is concluded from signs or symptoms that are based on real science, not myth.

    And along those lines… bonus #11. You tell me a diagnosis I make is simply wrong without listening to me. If you know so much, why are you coming to me? You do the filling or root canal yourself. You obviously don’t need me.

    Aaahhh… I feel much better now.

    If this isn’t you, I am sure your dentist loves you. You are probably the bright spot of his/her day. But it makes you wonder, how do you behave when you go to the dentist? And most importantly, are you making it easy for your dentist to give you the kind of care you want and deserve?

  46. you should read 10 reasons your dentist probably hates you too. If you hate the dentist so much, don’t go. Also don’t floss. You will lose your teeth at an early age and have to get dentures, which you probably won’t get because you hate going to your dentist. So let your teeth rot out of your head and don’t go complaining to your dentist when your mouth is causing you pain….I’m positive your mouth smells absolutely foul…..because I am a dental hygienist and when we pull that food and plaque from your mouth it smells like death….that’s what your breath most likely smells like. Brush, floss and have your teeth professionally cleaned and keep them forever, or don’t and lose them. If you hate the dentist don’t go and save both the dentist and dental hygienist the frustration of dealing with whiners like yourself

  48. If you hate the dentist so much…then don’t go. Nobody is forcing you. There are millions of people in this world who would love to take your place and be grateful for the opportunity to have preventive dental care. #Americansaresospoiledandungrateful

  49. We use dental speak so we can do our jobs efficiently. Any dentist worth their while would explain it to you in plain English if you wait.

    And for all the complaining about invading your privacy and scraping metal in your mouth, If they find yesterdays food in there you are clearly not cleaning. We can tell who hasn’t had time to brush after lunch before an appointment and who uses a toothbrush as an ornament.

    Good healthy teeth require 2 things if you are generally healthy. 1 – good cleaning, 2- good diet. Unless you have serious health problems doing this means you, I MEAN YOU, can avoid any work being done.

    So how about taking some responsibility for YOUR body and maintain it and we can help you with out any discomfort.

  50. there are a lot of good dentists out there who work their buts off and care for their patients like family. it’s a damn hard job. If you came to my office and bitched like you do behind your computer I’d tell you to grow up and go somewhere else. You guys should be a little more grateful, your not getting a massage, your having your teeth worked on, it’s not comfortable.

    http://lolabees.wordpress.com/2011/11/28/10-reasons-your-dentist-probably-hates-you-too/

  51. I have a great idea, don’t go… When your teeth begin to rot out of your head and really begin to hurt come see me. I’m an endodontist, I’ll do your root canals for you. You’ll probably hate me too, but your teeth won’t hurt any more. I love the response to your post by Lolabees, “10 reasons your dentist probably hates you too.”

  52. (Deep Breath…) So flossing is not “fun”, but you hate the scraping of metal instraments on your teeth. There is a link there, clean your teeth and there is minimal scraping. Dentist have to use “technical jargon” in order to accurately communicate to staff, and each other what needs to be done to your teeth. Most dentists will explain the jargon to you if you ask, or don’t understand. Your mom works for the dentist, so it is most likely free or discounted work. If you do not like the dentist go pay to find someone you do like, don’t rely on your parents then complain that it wasn’t to your high expectations. You have a small mouth, if it bothers you that anyone mentions it, inform your dentist, that you understand you have a small mouth, also, most people that have a small mouth have small hands and can easily clean their own mouth. If your electric toothbrush you recieved, free, is too large, stop complaining about it and find one that fits. Most of your complaints are pretty shallow and really your own fault, and if it makes you feel better, the office you see (besides your mom) probably isn’t thrilled to see you. If it is such a waste of your time (30 minutes?!?!) then don’t go, and then see how great things are. Also, if you don’t want the bag with a toothbrush in it -DON’T TAKE IT. They aren’t free for the dentist, and it can be donated or given to someone who needs it. Grow-up or are you purposely trolling?

  54. As a dentist, your reason number one is intensely discouraging to read, more discouraging than all the rest. These are the cold, hard facts: If you don’t brush and floss your teeth adaquately and don’t go to the dentist, you will get cavities, infections, gum disease and will lose your teeth early. You will look a meth addict, your breath will smell like a sumo wrestler went on a mexican food binge, and eventually you will be toothless. Isn’t thirty minutes, twice a year, worth it to NOT have all of that happen to you? Is your time that valuable? Do you complain about the hairstylist who takes 45 minutes every month? If this isn’t really the case, if you actually value your smile, then why complain?

    Also, if your dentist is pulling food debris out at your exam and looking at you awkwardly, its because you didn’t clean your teeth adaquately before the appointment. Would you not shower, not do your hair and wear old stained pajamas to work? Then why present the same front when visiting your oral healthcare provider?

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  58. Dear Anti-dentite, I hope all your teeth fall out because you obviously are to ignorant to understand that dental professionals are only there to help you sustain your oral health and help you keep your teeth for life. I’m sure there are some dentists are not ethically sound. If you get that sense,then get a second opinion.

    BTW… maybe they wouldn’t have to scrape metal instruments, called Scalers, against your teeth, if you didn’t have your teeth covered in calcified bacteria that you were to lazy to floss and brush away.

  59. I got directed from another blogspot.
    I just wanted to say – if you hate dentists, don’t go to see them – plain and simple. They probably don’t want to see you either (since you hate them and all).

    1. It’s funny that your comment is a bit smart allecy, given your name and all. I go to the dentist because I desire clean teeth. My blogs are for entertainment purpose only, I was documenting an aspect of life that we all have to deal with.

  60. We only ask you if you floss for your own good, you’re paying the dentist evaluate your oral health. If you think dentists are so bad to don’t go.

    And it is disgusting when patients come with remnants of food in their mouth, have the decency to brush for God’s sake!

  61. If you have many reason to go to the dentist like that, why bother to go? The next time you look at yourself and smile, maybe you should be appreciative that your dentist did a good job keeping your teeth healthy. If you hate the xray machine, you can also say no to it, except if you have some kind of pathology or cancer of the oral cavity, they wont be able to tell, and you can’t blame no one. Maybe you should look at life more possitively!

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  67. Fantastic post! All good reasons to hate the dentist – my biggest reason is that no matter how well I take care of my dental hygiene between visits, it seems the dentist always gets on me about needing to take better care of my teeth. Even if I do floss five times a day and my toothbrush does get more action than me (oh, did I just admit that?)!

    I also hate it when my dentist says he’s gonna place a “watch” on a tooth. That just delays the inevitable, can’t we just deal with it now?

  71. Haha! I love this! My mom works in a dental office, too. I always hear her gross out stories… If you have any creative answers I can use to work my way around the inevitable “did you floss today” question, let me know! 🙂

  73. I laughed so hard with this! Funny thing, I just rescheduled my dentist appointment yesterday to three more months in the future because I prefer to avoid the same B.S. Great post 🙂

  77. Nothing like a Mom who works at the dentist giving you a toothbrush for easter.
    You know how people get shivers when fingernails scrape on blackboards? Awful, cringe-worthy shivers?
    I get those at the dentist. From both the tastes and that horrible metallic grinding against my teeth that you mentioned.

  78. How about when they use you as a napkin? For me, wearing the paper bib around my neck is to prevent splatter from hitting my shirt. But they take their instruments and hands and actually wipe them on you. I find this to be really creepy and unprofessional.

    LOVED this post, congrats on being Freshly Pressed!

      1. Their not wiping it on you, there’s a piece of guaze/cotton which they wipe it on, they must’ve placed it on the bib and wiped it on that, thats probably why you thought they wiped it on you.

  79. its very funny article…. I prefer to use branch of Neem tree and Vicco Vajradanti Toothpaste, It’s ayurvedic and 100% effective.

    my papa is using salt only and still he is having complete set of teeth and even whiter than me and also stronger than me. PS. my papa is addicted of chewing tobbaco.

  80. This. All of this! I don’t hate the dentist as such; I can tolerate it. But everything you just said is why I don’t like going. Except for 8 and 9, they don’t apply in my situation. My dentist is a cool guy, who was kind enough to look impressed when I knew what TMJ was and that I probably had it 🙂
    5 made me laugh, because I clearly remember going with my dad to his dentist appointment when I was about 5 or 6 years old, and asking him “Daddy, what’s that stuff?” when the dentist scraped a bunch of plaque off his teeth (with one of those damn nails-on-a-chalkboard scrapey tools).
    I like your lists, I’m definitely going to read more 🙂

  84. Amen! Loved your very entertaining post.

    I just went to the dentist. The hygienist chastised me because I don’t floss under my bridge. I’ve had this thing for ten years and now you’re telling me I should floss there?

    I’ve had dentists and hygienists tell me the weirdest things over the years. One informed me that I should be putting my brush in the dishwasher to get all the bacteria off of it. Another one gave me tooth brushing instructions. Since I’ve brushed my own teeth for 40 years, I think I’ve already got that down. Thanks.

    I feel much better now.

  86. I could not agree more! Sometimes I feel like I’d rather lose a limb than have to sit in the dentist. I hate not being able to swallow while they clean your teeth, to the point you start to gag.

    I really am due for a teeth cleaning, and I dread going every time. I just hate it.

    When I was a kid, my orthodontist had a gut that would get in your face as he leaned over to work on your mouth…awkward.

  87. Aw, I love the dentists. They expect you to floss, yes, but it’s their job to rectify your ‘inadequacies’. How much do you have to pay for a simple check? Thankfully it’s not much for me, being with the NHS. And you can’t complain about invasions of privacy if you’re letting someone inside your mouth. That’s… one of the more intimate things you can do in the first place!

  91. this is funny because i actually love going to the dentist. i like getting “worked on” (i.e. getting a hair cut, going to dentist, getting nails done) because i feel kind of special afterwards. and, i ‘m pretty anal about keeping my teeth clean — they MUST BE CLEAN! after the dentist they are always super clean!

    -Alexandra

  92. Don’t forget how your mouth feels incredibly sore after they’re done with you. Seriously, I hate going to the dentist for all the chapped lips and raw mouth corners they give me. =x

  93. I agree 100% with what you said. If I had to add a number 11 it would probally be that they always tell be to swallow. I guess my spit distracts them but I can’t close my mouth and swallow when their hand’s in my mouth!

  95. It’s the same old every time… Doctor: “You need to floss more”
    Me: “I don’t floss, I don’t like it. I’m not going to lie to you”
    Doctor: “Well you need to start flossing because blah blah blah”
    Me: “I get that, but I just don’t like it”.

    Ha ha ha I don’t think this will ever change.

  98. What about when your mouth fills up with saliva and you have to fight the urge not to close your mouth and swallow as there are implements in there?

    Or when the saliva sucker machine thing gets stuck to your tongue, again and again?

  100. My thoughts exactly! I completely share all of these feelings. Except for maybe the small mouth thing… and the mom thing… but I HATE seeing the dentist, for most of the reasons you wrote about. Never a fun experience.

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  103. the dentist is trying to help you prevent oral diseases or other systemic(body) diseases by keeping your mouth clean. Hence, he/she advices you to brush or floss your teeth. Your mouth and your teeth are very important assets of your precious body! you need your teeth to grind food and get the nutrition that your body needs not to mention to enjoy the delicious food in the world. So if you don’t take care of your oral hygiene by brushing or flossing or visiting your dentist, you will end up with tooth decay which may lead to even more excruciating pain in the future when the germs in the decayed tooth invade your pulp and body systems! the dentist has dedicated many years of hardwork not to mention their whole life just to help relieve and preserve your teeth. so do show some appreciation to them! don’t be such an ungrateful brat! imagine yourself in his/her shoes…he/she tries his/her best to help you but in return, you curse and write so many bad things about him/her!

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  107. Hilarious. My mom’s a dental hygienist, which I think is the reason I do not hate the dentist (I’ve been known to fall asleep while she’s doing my cleaning, so I could also just be weird). This is also the reason I received a fancy toothbrush on Valentine’s Day. I love you too Mom?

  108. I used to be a dental assistant. I only last 6 months because being a dental assistant is a DISGUSTING job. I swear only 10% of the population brush their teeth. Pulling teeth and sucking spit is not what I want to do on a daily basis. YUCK!

  110. Same here. I don’t like going to the dentist for all those same things and the fact that I have dental insurance it still cost like 6 or 7 hundred dollars for a crown or root canal. Dang, I could be buying living room furniture, or a least some with that money. But I do love my dentist. I found a great one after many years and promise to never change no matter what.

  113. I hate to hear it. I have been a dentist for over 20 years and my patients love to see me. In fact, I have daughters going into dentistry and one of their observations is “wow, your patients really love you!”. Read what our patients say in their exit surveys. Maybe one day you’ll change your mind. I can always hope. N.S. @ http://www.rightsmilecenter.com.

  114. Haha! Nice! I recently had to visit the dentist 4 times within 3 months. But I feel completely different about this. My dentist is amazing, fast and explains everything in detail.. in English. I had 3 cavities that I had to take care of and because I don’t have a lot of money (and my dental insurance won’t kick in till January) I had to make 3 separate appointments apart from the regular check-up.
    My appointments were at 8:30 and I was always out by 9:00am. The anesthesia was enough for nothing to hurt but not too much that I would not be able to hold an entire conversation at 9:05 on my phone.
    Also, he doesn’t just dig into your mouth like he’s looking for something. He’ll open it just enough and you can barely feel he’s in there. It’s amazing. So much I nearly fell asleep as he drilled my teeth during one of those appointments.
    I always hate that flossing question because I don’t do it as often as I should. But I have definitely improved. Good luck on your next appointment.
    Also, make sure to enter for a chance to win a $25 gift card on my blog. https://abitofeverythingnow.wordpress.com/2011/09/01/how-to-make-25-without-going-to-work/

  115. Nice insight. This was a perfect time for me to find your post, as I got my wisdom teeth out yesterday and am now stuck to laying on my bed like a vegetable. I share your bitterness.

  118. haha nice. I particularly can relate to being asked questions i cant possible answer without it sounding like “nahabrabra”… LOL

  122. Your post is really funny, I enjoyed it very much! I especially like point 6, I too really hate the judgment in my dentist’s voice as she reminds me yet again to floss. She also likes to remind me of the insanely high fee she’ll be forced to charge me, should I get a cavity. Anyways, I’m following your blog now and look forward to more lists! Thanks for making me laugh 🙂

  123. I haven’t been to the dentist for years because of these reasons. I brush twice a day and floss…on occasion I would say. No pain, no reason to go.
    You did leave one big thing that your dentist may not do, but every dentist I’ve been to sure does. Of all the medical professions. I think dentists are the ones that play the “you’re a bad person” bit for bad things happening. Got a cavity? Dirty look. Haven’t been to see them regularly, dirty look. Every single time I went to the dentist, I was not just advised to floss, I was CHASTISED. If they want me to come back, they can show a little compassion and understanding. Yes, it’s my fault, but you’re not my freaking mother, thank you very much!

    Nice post! 🙂

  126. Great post. I hate the dentist as well, especially because of #3 and #6. I don’t even have dental insurance at the moment (why doesn’t regular medical insurance include it? where’s my Obamacare?), so I just avoid the dentist unless it’s an absolute necessity or I have a Groupon.

  127. I love this post it’s really funny. I don’t floss either! Another thing that I hate about dentists is those rubber gloves they stick down your throat they taste horrible plus my dentists always tries to trick me into closing my eyes when something painful is going to happen. It doesn’t work!

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  130. Stumbled on your rant, by coincidence, about 30 minutes from leaving for the damn dentist’s office. ….Needless to say, caught between LMAO and crying at the impending doom. I must add one more reason to your list.. Unlike doctor visits, where they poke and prod just until it hurts, hygenists find where it hurts, then REALLY dig in! Harder, deeper, with more gusto than a fat freckled kid in a candy store!!!

    Thanks.

  131. The grinding thing had me flinching. And I completely agree. It is somehow an invasion of personal space to have someone digging in your mouth! Haha

    As a fellow small mouth-er, I’ll add getting x-rays to your list. Those dumb plastic shields never fit, and when you bite down on them it cuts your gums. There is no winning at the dentist. Because even if you have no cavities, you would still benefit from having your teeth whitened. *sigh*

    Thanks for the laughs!

  132. Great post, and very true and funny.
    I especially enjoyed, “She’s got a problem with her lower T-12. We’re going to have to ostracize it and cross-counter the white-balance so as to prevent problems in the future on that bicucpid.”
    I too hate the scraping tools. And that pipe that sucks all of the liquid out of your mouth and they your tongue feels so dry. Hate it.
    I have an appointment to get a cleaning this afternoon. Oh joy.

  133. This was a great — and hilarious! — list, most of which I *completely* agree!

    One thing that I hate about the dentist, and is probably on top of my list, is keeping my mouth open for prolonged amounts of time. I always have this fear in the back of my mind that my jaw is going to lock up and I won’t be able to close my mouth. You have no idea how many times my dentist has to tell me, “Open your mouth just *a little* wider…!”

  134. They wince, you wince, and it’s just altogether an awkward experience and, I feel, an invasion of my privacy. – I agree with that! But what really irks me is the dentist’s fee ;p

  136. I love the “this wont hurt” thing. It hurts! Or it’s just really uncomfortable. But I have a great dentist, so at least she takes care of my teeth quickly and properly.

  138. Haha, I can relate to pretty much all of this. The only thing that got me through my dental treatments was my rather odd infatuation with my dentist.

  141. Hi!

    Funny post, but I think that it’s all about a question of discipline. There are a lot of things that are neither my idea of fun, but…you just have to do that, like brushing your teeth or flossing. Stop claiming for all that 😉

    If you concentrate on that, almost any experience can be the most scary experience of your life.

    However, I don’t mind about denstists, I could almost say that I enjoy my time at the dentist, but in the other hand I can’t stand blood tests.

    P.D.: sorry for my English

  143. Firstly congrats on being FP.

    You know, I am grinding my teeth right now while reading this and it’s causing a funny feeling in my mouth. I shiver because I can feel the pain, poking with a sharp object, stabbing your gums while you have a micro-sized hoover in your mouth.

    I feel for you, but we all know it’s a good thing, now *SMILE*.

    D.

  145. Hi, some good points there. 🙂 I am new here, I have only one post and I could use some feedback on my post from you and other bloggers. And it would be great to connect with others here.

  146. I’d like to apologize. I don’t mean to be rude, but I have to (mostly) disagree with you:

    1. The appointment would take long generally because there is much to do. Dentists wouldn’t bother wasting time ‘poking’ you just to keep you in the chair.
    2. Professionals generally use technologically terms when talking to colleagues (i.e. dentist to their dental assistant – who may need to know what’s going on to either make a record or prepare for the procedure). No doubt if they were directly addressing you, they would be using ‘lay’ terms, or explain the jargon (which they generally do after they’ve finished examining your teeth). Also, there is no ‘T-12’ in the mouth. That’s a spinal vertebra.
    3. The scraping tools. It can’t be helped. What can though, is you trying harder to keep the stuff that needs to be scraped off your teeth in the first place.
    4. The ‘hygienist’? Or dentist? Because there is a difference. If it was the operator, then they probably just wanted a faint nod from you. Or a blink. Usually they’re just talking to keep you from becoming too anxious.
    5. Perhaps consider flossing after meals? It really is beneficial to your oral health.
    6. They are not attacking your dental hygiene. The dentist merely wants to know what it is so as to provide appropriate oral hygiene instructions to help you take better care of your teeth. It’s their job after all.
    7. Telling you that your mouth is small is sometimes just an attempt at conversation making (albeit an awkward one). Having a small mouth however should not prevent you from reaching the back of your last teeth when brushing. In fact, it should be easier. Perhaps consider changing to a smaller brush head?
    8. Can’t help you on this. Hahaha~
    9. Yes, that would be awkward…
    10. The suction is required, otherwise you might choke on your saliva & water, unless you prefer swallowing them? I admit, the x-ray/radiograph holder can indeed cause gagging, but this also cannot be helped as the radiograph was probably essential for diagnosis. Next time, try relaxing the tongue (you may be tensing without knowing), breathing through your nose, or just hold your breath (usually x-rays don’t take long to take).

    I believe one’s opinion of the dentist reflects their need for oral help. The more help is needed, the more hatred there seems to be, of course, this hatred should dissipate with resolution of the problems.

    1. Holding your breath actually intensifies the potential for gag reflex. You hit the nail on the head with “breathing through your nose”, though. The gag reflex is designed to protect the patency of the airway, so if nerve impulses signal a threat to being able to breathe because an object/material threatens to obstruct the (back of the) airway, the gagging is the body’s attempt to eject the offending obstruction. However,continuing to breathe (deeply & evenly) through the nose has the opposite effect – reassuring the brain that the body is not being asphyxiated – and subsequently suppresses the gag reflex enormously.
      Bottom line: two out of three right – relax the tongue (& the body/mind generally), and breathe consistently through the nose is the secret.

  153. I was also once told “Please try & open wider as you only have a small mouth”. I should’ve got that in writing. If anyone ever calls me a big mouth I always say a Professional Health Care Specialist said I haven’t. I always gag on the x-ray thing too. I had one of the little x-ray films drop down the back of my throat once & nearly vomited everywhere. I also hate when they ask questions & you’ve got a dozen dental implements in your numb mouth & they think you can talk. And the final mouth rinse. No feeling in half your face & I always dribble it everywhere ‘cos my spitting muscles won’t work. The last dentist I went to was German. When he introduced himself I couldn’t help think ex-Nazi torture specialist. Gosh I’ve almost written my own post….

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  158. There are several important words which one should not use, amongst which are: ‘ensconced’, ‘aforementioned’, and ‘cicada’ (the last according to Charles Bukowski anyway). Now, what were we talking about? Oh yes, the dentist…

    The secret is to use the time for a kind of zen meditation. Regard lying on your back with metal objects in your mouth as a type of yoga. Zone out. Mellow. Hear the sound of one jaw closing. Compose ‘haiku’ in your head…

    Marie Marshall
    writer/poet/editor/blogger
    Scotland
    http://mairibheag.com
    http://kvennarad.wordpress.com

  159. I always get second opinions any time I go to the dentist; it’s probably saved me a few unnecessary and painful procedures. The dentist is my least favorite necessary evil.

  161. You hate the dentist AND you have an advantage on the rest of us with the inside connection. I would add to my version of the list –

    #11. I love when you show up for your appointment (15 minutes early of course) and they call you back 25 minutes after the scheduled time with a smile on their face, as if they are doing you a favor. Really!?! I guess they could have taken 30 minutes.

    1. Since the dentist is usually doing procedures, there is no way of knowing whether or not a procedure will go over the amount of time originally scheduled. For instance, if someone is taking longer to get numb than usual, that may prolong the amount of time needed to do the procedure. It is not that the dentist is trying to see you late. Actually they are usually doing their best to stay on schedule, and you may not realize this but it actually stresses the dentist out sometimes when they know they are running late. If you were in the same position, I’d like to see if you could do the same. You need to have a little more compassion and realize that dentistry is not as easy as you may think for a dentist to perform, and not everything can be allotted time exactly especially when doing procedures. If another patient just wants to keep talking to the dentist, that holds the dentist up as well. Please try to understand where the dentist is coming from. The dentist is probably only smiling as a way to welcome you, not what you think. Jeeze.

      1. Also, I am sure the dentist takes the same amount of time with you and sometimes goes late with another patient because you have a concern you want to speak about or your tooth doesn’t get numb or whatever the reason may be. At least you are getting care and time from the dentist, and you have to respect them as people. People cannot be perfect all the time.

  162. Also, it’s 2011 – why can’t they invent a a drilling tool that doesn’t sound like the baby sister of a buzz saw. WHY? The sound is not relaxing, it’s never relaxing, and it never will be so why don’t they just give you ativan in the waiting room.

  165. Hey! Another fellow red-head! I found your post/list to be absolutely hilarious! I’ve never liked the dentist myself, and I think mine is still holding a grudge against me because I don’t floss every day, five times a day. By the way, ever seen Bill Cosby’s skit about a dentist? Search for it, you would find it hysterical. ^_^

  166. Lemon shark molars? Cool!! I like my new dentist, in part, because he told me the novacaine injection was going to hurt slightly. I appreciated his honesty and was able to steel myself for the agony that much better.

  167. Oh, the criticism. I despise being told my mouth is this, that, or the other thing. Please just clean and let me be…

    My dentist was my neighbor growing up, and having a personal relationship with the one who reaches his hands into your mouth and evaluates your hygiene makes the process that much more unpleasant. At least he cares, right?

  171. Love #8, too funny! He really compared your teeth to a lemon shark? I don’t know if that is exactly a compliment, wait, no, it isn’t. #4, is a classic, I think they ask questions while they have hands in your mouth just to see you try to talk around their fingers and do it for the heck of it.

  176. As an ex-employee of 2 dental practices, this post made me smile 🙂 Great job!

    PS – You really should floss.

  180. My dad’s a dentist, and I totally agree about all of this! Once, he told me that they learned in dental school to talk to the patients because it supposedly distracts them from all the disgusting metal tools in their mouths. Someone should tell them it doesn’t really work. I’m pretty sure he was just messing with me, though…

  181. Definitely with you on this one. My dentist trips are usually for a check up, I go in, wait 20 minutes, then get poked for 2 minutes then I’m told all is fine and charged for the appointment =/

  185. I just got a cavity filled today by my dentist. She didn’t numb me because it was a quick job. I benefited from it too. I didn’t think about the pain, i thought about building up my pain tolerance. The grinding sucked, but, again, it builds self-discipline. I just shot that out of my ass, but what i’m trying to say is: The dentist isn’t as bad as you make it out to be. I love my Jewish dentist. If you don’t like the dentist’s, start by finding a new dentist. Maybe you’ll like the new one better and he/she won’t ask you questions while swabs of cotton and pries are in your mouth.

  187. Dentists are what demons would chose as their career if they could choose. One I had in Minnesota was so bad, I dreaded going though my mom made me. Everyone in my family “needed” braces according to him. They practically yelled at me because I managed to get into an orthodontist (I actually needed braces medically.) and they couldn’t refer anyone else to him. Then he’d put us to sleep so he can fix 5 cavities a day instead of just 2. Meanmeanmean.

    Luckily, I have a good dentist now, and I had a great orthodontist when I needed it. But I still avoid going just as much as I avoid going to the doctor.

  188. Congratulations on being freshly pressed! I’ve been striving for that for months and you accomplished it in days. Lets just say i’m extremely jealous. You seem to be a good writer though! I’m looking foward to reading more!

    –Sunshine 🙂

  190. Another thing about dentists is the chairs. If you are upright in a dental chair, it’s not so bad, but much of the time you are leaning all the way back like you are in a torture chamber.

    This entry reminds me of the time when I was in a dental chair feeling like I was going to slide off of it into the cabinets behind me, and the dentist started talking to her assistant about how in dental school they were taught to put the needle into your gums horizontally against the bone. Um, hello! There’s a patient right here underneath you! At least I am not squeamish.

  191. This is great! I too, am not a fan of the dentist. I never hurry to make an appointment. Sometimes I even ask them if they can put me to sleep so i don’t have to feel like they’re building a house in my mouth.

  195. Just reading this makes me squirm! And it’s true–it’s like no matter how hard you try to floss and brush and do well, they always make you feel like it’s not enough or that you’re on the brink of losing all your teeth. I concur with your hatred. : )

  196. 11. Why is it okay to NOT have four walls and a closed door when I’m getting mouth raped by some arrogant “doctor” who is bound and determined to make me feel like crap for not flossing daily? I never understood this. Also, I’m pretty sure my brother was slapped by a dentist’s assistant once. They’re just not a fun bunch.

  197. I understand where you are coming from, nobody likes to be inconvenienced and have discomfort, but what is the alternative? Millions of people all over the world do not have adequate dental healthcare and suffer from oral diseases (cancer, tooth abscesses, infections, etc). You’re lucky you live in a place with the means for these types of health services. I wouldn’t really call it a “waste of 30 minutes to an hour of your life” but basically an extremely resourceful use of 30 minutes to an hour of your life, because who knows…in that time they could find something (a growth, tumor, etc) that could potentially save your life. So instead of complaining about having to go to the dentist, instead be thankful that you have the means and the resources to go to the dentist. It seems as though you could find something better or more meaningful to write about rather than moaning and complaining about having easy access to healthcare. Give me a break…

    1. Thank you for this post drforthright! I am a senior in dental hygiene school and once experienced a fellow student potentially save a patient’s life by sending them to the emergency room after getting an extremely high blood pressure reading. The said patient ended up having to be put on IV’s at the ER because of it being so high. If that patient wouldn’t have come in to get a dental cleaning who knows what could have happened. These health professionals help literally save lives! Yes it may be a little inconvenient, but oral health contributes to your overall systemic health. Whether that be with diabetes, pregnancy, or heart conditions etc. Many would die for the opportunity to be able to afford or have access to dental care on a regular basis worldwide. Even before I thought about doing dental hygiene school I have always appreciated the work dental professionals did in repairing my teeth and making my overall quality of life better…. and trust me that doesn’t mean I haven’t had my share of rather painful dental experiences in my life. Without a little pain in life we wouldn’t know the joy!

  198. Ah, the classic asking a question while their fingers are in your mouth–love that one. Also the flossing/retainer comment made me laugh.
    And this reminded me why I’ve been putting off that dentist appointment.
    Congratulations on being freshly pressed!

  199. Love this entry!!!!!! I just started a blog about girls eating healthy but I’m only 11! Congrats on getting fresh pressed!!

  201. “One time, during Shark Week, I was getting my teeth cleaned and he compared my molars to that of a lemon shark. Thank..you?”

    i think i woke up my neighbors laughing so hard over this!!!!

  202. I’m weird about the scraping–or actually, normal about the scraping probably since it’s a brutal sound and feeling. You just reminded me–I need to get to the dentist.

  204. Exactly why nobody likes the dentist! Very cleverly written, I slightly lost my composure right around when you said “gargantuan”. No I’m fibbing, I was laughing so hard my eyes were watering. ‘Grats!

    -Simon

  205. I always hear people say stuff like this but…I love going to the dentist! Clean teeth are the best feeling in the world to me…all though I do agree with the point about the hygenist talking to you with their hands in your mouth 🙂

  210. My boyfriend in all his brazen honesty actually told the dentist, during his last visit: “Look. If you see something on the x-ray that looks like a cavity, and it looks like a cavity in my mouth: DON’T POKE IT! Save us both the trouble and just tell my I have a gosh darn cavity.”

    I admired him for that honesty!

    And yes, a visit to the dentist is always a personal space invasion…

    Fun post! 🙂

  211. LOL I hate the grinder thing, the vibrating, the sound, and the little bits of wet tooth flying up and landing on your face. I thought i was the only one to get the “you mouth is tooo fricken small”, yea thanks. BUT then they keep trying to make you open wider, which, yea right, and then shove that rubber thing in to try and make it wider by pushing your jaws appart.

    And i think my dentist is an ass who likes to punish people for not taking care of their teeth. For every root canel/cleaning/cavity, me (and others who go to this dentist) he perscribes these pills “to kill any infection” that give me, and everyone else I talked to, sever nausea and stomach pain. “make sure to take all of them” sure, that is soooo not gonna happen.

  214. Before you make a numbered list to bash dentists, you should…
    1. Get your lazy butt back in college and take Human Anatomy and Physiology. All those “confusing” words will make sense.
    2. Brush your teeth before you go to the dentist so your mouth isn’t full of yesterday’s food.
    3. Check your numbered list for spelling issues. (You may need to complete step 1 first)
    4. Be thankful you even have the money/insurance to see a dentist and realize that you are fortunate because some people cannot/do not have the resources or access to that kind of care.

  216. i could not agree more! hate the dentist. so part of my front tooth is fake…a bowling ball accident that i once blogged about. anyway, i’ve now had to have my front tooth repaired about 5 times. to numb a front tooth, they stick a needle into that spot right above your teeth…feels like it’s coming out your nose. makes your eyes water. it’s terrible. thanks for sharing!
    icouldntmakethisshitup.wordpress.com

  217. You definately crack me up. Loved every second of reading this and congratulations on the freshly pressed! Looking forward to your next post!

  218. Finally someone’s telling the truth about the dentist. I was at my dentist’s yesterday and you’d think I committed a crime, “What, you haven’t had a cleaning in three years!” Thanks for the laugh!

  221. I completely agree with numbers 1, 2, and 10!! Oh, it’s so irritating when they use doctor-speak and try to sound more important than they really are…I mean, just say “She’s got some plaque on her molar”. It means the same thing. And number 10 is SO annoying! They always say it won’t hurt and it always does…ugh…liars… 😉

    Great post and congratulations on being Freshly Pressed!

  222. I have to be at the dentist three times in three weeks because I broke a tooth on a Llama bone (long story), lived in a country where dental care consisted of yanking anything that looked a little funny, and apparently have some inflammation on my gums.

    Yesterday’s cleaning session left me with flecks of blood all over my patient bib. Not looking forward to the next one.

  226. Number 4 is my biggest pet peeve! They know they’re doing it. I know they’re doing it. I have taken to just not answering at all. Then they look at you, while their hands are in your mouth, with this expectant look on their faces. That’s when I roll my eyes and gurgle. I HATE THE DENTIST!

      1. Hello, Gilmore, was it? Ever after referenced to as “uninformed reader”—I actually already have read that post. If you can’t find humor in what I write, you’re in the wrong place.

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