This post is going to be a lot of confessions, so, if you’re not into tell-alls, gut-spilling, or hashing out regrets, you might want to skip this one.
Confession # 1:
I kind of regret buying a house. Don’t get me wrong—it’s definitely an achievement, after my husband and I spent 4 years just saving up for one and living in an apartment. It’s a nice house. A house where we can feel free to decorate and paint the walls and make it our own, but…it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. It’s also just…a shell. One that we live in and then…we die. You can’t take a house with you, unless it’s an RV or something. You can’t take the items in the house with you either. And while I am all about lighting candles, putting finishing interior design touches on a room, and buying furniture for really cheap at estate sales…I can’t take any of that with me.
I guess I have been a little depressed lately. I’ve heard that sometimes that happens after you make a big purchase in your life. Buyer’s Remorse. It didn’t really happen when I bought a car because, let’s face it, I was in dire NEED of a new car. My old 4 Runner was about to drop the engine out of itself at any day and the interior was held together by some well-placed duct tape and sheer hope. So, the purchasing of my car brought about more relief and joy(Look, power locks!!! The luxury!!!) than regret.
I love our house. But…it was a huge investment. One I wonder if, had it been spent on something else, might have been more worth it.
Sometimes, I wish people would just shut up.
I know people mean well, buuuuttt…I really don’t want your opinions on what you think would give me more fulfillment in my life. Mostly, this comes in the form of well-meaning older relatives and nosy people at church. Usually, it’s on the topic of children.
Now, I have had several people who are understanding. They say, “It will happen in time.” Or , “You’ll be ready when you’re ready.” I love those people because they’ve got it right. They realize that I’m an adult and my life is my life, just the same as their life and their decisions belong to them.
Just yesterday, I went to a party that was being thrown for one of my mom’s friends. I guess that was my first mistake: going to a party where all my mom’s friends were in attendance. My dad was blowing bubbles and entertaining this little 2 year old girl, and one of my mom’s friends leaned over to me and Tim and said, “I think your dad needs one of those.”
I couldn’t really enjoy myself at all after that. It is such an awkward experience when people call you out like that. I don’t think Tim even gets it sometimes. I am a very private person(Except when blogging, apparently. 😜) and when people say things like that, I feel like my clothes have been stripped off. I almost want to sarcastically say, “I’ll have to get him one of those catalogs Angelina Jolie and Bradd Pitt use to procure their children from.” Or ,”Do you want to stay out of my bedroom, please?”
The same way I think you should NEVER ask a woman if she IS pregnant, you shouldn’t ask her what her plans are for “starting a family”. My sister in law is also prone to doing this. She of all people should know not to do it, considering she miscarried so many times. Who knows? Maybe I was trying and haven’t been successful. It’s still none of anyone’s business.
I say, rejoice in the announcement, and otherwise, keep your mouth shut.
I just hate having to dodge awkward questions/statements like that. Also, I don’t believe that I am solely responsible for my parents’ or anyone else’s happiness, for that matter. I think a child is a very serious thing, and you shouldn’t have one just because it would make other people happy or because society says, “Hey, you’re turning 26 in a few days. Better get on that.”
Also, I kind of feel like I have a child at the moment. It’s called a house and not only is it a new, big responsibility, but a lot more square footage to clean than a 2 bedroom apartment ever was.
I’m going to be 26 in a few days. And I am nowhere close to where I thought I would be at this age.
And maybe that’s okay. I have a lot of things to be grateful for. Like that house I’ve been complaining about. It is a blessing. My car. My family. My husband. My health. Honestly, I don’t think I ever thought I’d make it to 26. I used to look at college aged people when I was younger and thought they were ancient. So, I guess that makes me one of The Seven Ancient Wonders of the World now. 😂
I am glad that my birthday is on a Saturday. I was born on a Monday. I hate Mondays. I was wondering the other day if that meant, by extension, that I hate myself. Tim said I was being too analytical.
I guess I just thought…that by this point in my life, I would have more figured out. I would be more of…something. That I would have seen more of the world. And this is partially the reason why I don’t want kids yet. I’ve barely lived my own life. (*See oversheltered oldest child and only girl.) I have never really “sown my wild oats”. To most people, this would probably mean making bad choices, using questionable substances and going to film festivals, but all I want to do is experience the world. See it. Taste it. Live it.
I make a tiny bit over minimum wage and I hate my job.
I’m sorry, but I can’t pretend. I don’t like to sugar coat things, even though I work part time at a bakery and that is sort of my job.
I have been, for the past year or so, trying to supplement my income in a more enjoyable way. I have been petsitting and I LOVE doing it!
Right now, I’m actually hanging out with a couple of dogs and a pig as I’m writing this. Yes, a pig!!! She is so sweet and funny to watch! Petsitting just sort of happened. I have always done it, but it wasn’t until I started a Facebook page that it just took off!
I have also been trying to find some work-at-home or online job options that I could do in conjunction with petsitting since I have some downtime, but it has been a little hard to weed out scams. 😞
I am hoping to find something eventually to where I can just quit the bakery job. I just find no enjoyment in it. And life is too short to do things that you hate doing.
I am addicted to travel.
It is all I think about, apart from daily responsibilities like petsitting, my household, and contemplating who Neegan killed in The Walking Dead and impatiently awaiting the season starting back in October. (Can’t wait!!! 😁😁😁)
I want to travel and have been trying to find more ways to save to do so. So far, all I’ve come up with is:
1) Stop buying coffee.
2) Pay off my car. (I really got a great deal on it, so it will be paid off faster than Tim’s was.) When I am done paying it off though, I will definitely have to fist pump the air or something, because that will mean extra money I can save.
3) Tell everyone that I only want cash for my birthday/Christmas. Insist that I do not need anything else, only money to fund my travels, seeing as that is my deepest desire, rather than socks or something. Not that socks aren’t appreciated. I love socks! Just, not as much as Italia.
4) Stop buying makeup. This one is hard. I have been trying to be smarter about what I buy. I don’t buy high end cosmetics…but a big part of me has contemplated foregoing makeup entirely, to save some major cash. Then I see my face in the morning and seriously rethink my sanity.
5) Stop buying food. 🙄 It’s a nesseccity, but we’ve been trying to go out less.
6) Sell everything I own. Just maybe not…my soul. Basically, anything else that isn’t nailed down.
Yeahhhhh. I have a long way to go before I can go anywhere.
If only I could win the lottery…