10 Reasons Not To Mess With Redheads

A List

You really only need one reason to leave us alone, but…this is a blog of lists. Lists are long. So, I’m commencing with the list.

1.Because we have tempers. Oh, some of us might hem and haw and say, “Oh, me? I never get mad.” This is a blatant lie. While yes, it takes a lot to make us mad, when we do get there, you better watch out. We don’t mess around when we’re upset. Rome may not have been built in a day, but it sure as heck was destroyed in one. I’m willing to bet one of my predecessors was responsible for that. Seriously, though, don’t mess with us.

2. We’re, for the most part, Irish. The Irish are tough. They survived famine, persecution at the hands of the British, and survived solely on potatoes and Guinness for like…centuries. That couldn’t have been easy.

3. It has been proved in some studies that redheads can tolerate more pain. Can’t remember where I read it and what the reasoning behind it was, but it’s out there. No, really, go find it. So, no matter how many times you call me a ginger and instate a “Kick a Ginger Day”, I will come back swinging. Hey, just because we’re a minority at only like..2 % of the world’s population, doesn’t change a thing. We’re nothing if not resilient. So, bring it.

4. We may be fair, but we don’t fight that way. Red haired people have more fair skin, therefore, are more prone to things like skin cancer. As for the fighting thing, you better believe we don’t fight fair! I’m pretty sure a lot of world conquerors and Vikings (who had auburn hair) fought really dirty..I’ve heard vikings took people’s lungs out and stuff. That’s hardcore.

5. What are you possibly going to gain by messing with me? I mean, come on, we don’t do much! We’re pretty amicable, like goldfish, or peanut butter, because it goes well with so many things. We don’t cause that much trouble, or at least this one doesn’t. If I don’t have a problem, we don’t have a problem.

6. Andrew Jackson,the 7th president, was a redhead. That guy did NOT mess around. When he was older and someone attacked him in public, trying to assassinate him, with a GUN, he ran at them and beat them with a stick. People called him “Old Hickory”. Hickory is a very tough wood and only bad ass people get nicknames. When the Indians pleaded to him and asked to keep their land, what did he do? Sent them down The Trail of Tears. He had a duel almost every morning before breakfast. Dang. Is this really the type of person you want to mess with?

7. Almost every redhead I’ve ever met has talked about themselves in the third person at least once. They have to narrate what they’re doing because it’s so awesome. Or they’re just…crazy.

8. Annie was a redhead. The sun’ll come up tomorrow? I don’t think so.

9. We might have the cure to cancer. I mean, at this point, anyone could. Do you really want to mess with someone who could hold the genetic keys to saving man kind? Ha, I just typed “redheads cure cancer” into Google and it came up with this forum and this guy had said on there, ” Why don’t we just kill the redheads? It’s not like they’re people anyway.”
YOU, sir, are an idiot. Tell that to my birth certificate, social security, and my soul! I am a person!!!

10. We’re endangered. Like I mentioned earlier..only 2% of people, but going strong! But would you want to be partially responsible for the extinction of a people with such vibrant, flaming hair?

Haha, I’m just kidding. But seriously. Bullying is not cool, in any capacity. Even though I am infamous for making jabs at dentists (they started it), doesn’t make it right. So, let’s band together, people. But you can still make fun of people who like Hannah Montana, people who talk funny, and people who look like Oompa Loompas because they’re too tan, because let’s face it, that’s hilarious.