It’s been a little while since I’ve written! I took one of those week hiatuses where I reevaluate everything in my life. 😂🙄 Sometimes, that helps, sometimes it makes you look around and go, “What am I doing?”
The other day, Tim and I got accosted by an aggressive sales person who was like, “What do you want most for Christmas?” And half jokingly, half seriously I’d responded, “Some purpose? Have you got any of that in there?” 😂 Ahh, I crack myself up.
ANYway, the holidays have been in full swing around here. Mostly I’ve been finishing some last minute Christmas shopping, going to some fun estate sales and trying not to think about other things.
I’ve been in such a weird season of my life lately. I’ve accepted some things, but then when it comes to others, I’ve been pushing myself, trying to be a better person. I’ve also been trying to be happy for myself when I’ve been upset about what’s going on in other people’s lives.
My aunt has not been making any sense lately. She has lymphoma of the brain and she has been really confused lately.
This holiday season has just been wrapped up in all this tension this year. I’ve been throwing myself into planning our trip, so that’s been good for me. We’ve booked the legs of our trip in Venice and Rome and we’re almost set to be booking in Florence and some other places!
It’s been a nice distraction, but a part of me has been resentful, I’m not going to lie. I never say these things out loud because of how horrible they sound, but I resent the timing of things sometimes. Why did this have to happen now? Why did my aunt have to get cancer? Why did she have to name me…whatever she named me? I’m not an executor of a will…I’m something below even that. And she only made me that to stick it to her husband’s son by another marriage.
I remember the day she asked me. She insulted me and downplayed my abilities, telling me I’m naive like she always has. She didn’t want my help because I can help. She wanted my help shutting someone else out. I remember the hate rolling off of her in waves and I remember thinking, She is such an unhappy person. I never want to be like her.
I know my words sound harsh, but I don’t appreciate being used to hurt other people. And honestly, I don’t care. I think we need to cut the bullshit a little more in this world.
Merry Christmas, right? 😂😓
I just…I’d be lying if I said it was all sadness. Some of it is resentment and anger for having let someone else treat me this way. I’m ready to move on from this though. I’m done accepting the bad and I want to move forward with the good. ✌🏻
I don’t want anything to do with this anymore.
The Redhead Chronicles 